get your sleep depriving, panic attack inducing, sweet dream ruining self OUT of my life! Months and months of hopes, prayers, meds, cognitive behavior exercises, and out and out begging/pleading and you will not leave me be. What gives??? W will be up in a few hours and I will be a zombie. Again.
M has been out of town for a week now - away in Florida on a job with (get this) no return flight scheduled. Tonight, he found out it will be at least another week in FL to finish everything there and then it's off to Virginia for a 2+ week robot install. He may or may not be able to come home in between trips. I may or may not check myself into the loony bin. May or may not pull my hair out. May or may not deplete the planet's Xanax supply in an attempt to wind down for ten minutes. I feel like an exposed nerve ending just hanging out in a hailstorm.
There aren't words to describe how grateful I am to this amazing man who works so ridiculously hard at what he does to take care of our little family. He may never fully understand my appreciation, but it is always there - sent out to wherever he may be via little cosmic love waves through the void. I hope my aim is accurate. I hope he knows how deeply we love him and miss him.
I shouldn't (and I try not to curse the darkness), but I get so jealous of the families who have Daddies that come home at the same time every evening...who have dinner together...who have established night and weekend family routines. We may never have that, but lately it's all I can think about. Apparently, the robotics field is not a family-friendly one. At all. I constantly fight the urge to call up old boss man at 6pm, interrupt his family time, and rip him a new one - somehow make him realize that the men who build/program/install/repair his robots, work 16 hour days, travel for weeks on end at his request/sacrifice time with their loved ones to get the job done are NOT robots themselves!
I miss my husband. I'm desperate for that feeling of "family".I'm tired of days and nights and events and meals and milestones without him. I feel defeated tonight. Today. 3am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tear...sorry Grace! I have no way of knowing right now what you are going through but what I do know is this: YOU are an amazing Mommy to that little boy! I can't fix this or have any magic words for you but know that I think you are doing an amazing job! You are right, M is fab for doing what he does! I always feel like our men don't get enough credit! HUGS :)
ReplyDelete